HOW TO BE NICE TO KITTY CATS

By Ingrid E. Newkirk, President
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

(Excerpted from 250 Things You Can Do to Make Your Car Adore You)
Copyright © 2008 by Ingrid E. Newkirk -- All Rights Reserved

Give yourself one point for each of the following statements, if the statement is true relative to you and your kitty cats.

1. I have spayed/neutered my cat(s).

2. I never let my cat(s) out unattended (give yourself two points if you have provided an escape-proof yard or other cat exercise area).

3. I always keep the litterbox impeccably clean.

4. I am always on time with meals.

5. I keep a cat carrier and my veterinarian's number handy.

6. I know the signs of painful, life-threatening cystitis, a painful bladder or urinary tract infection.  If Tiger urinates in strange places, like the ceramic bathtub or sink or tile floor, I know not to wait until I see blood in the urine.  I rush him to the vet right away.

7. My cat(s) can see out of at least one window without having to behave like a contortionist.

8. I take time to play with my cat(s) every day, even on days when I'm in a bad mood or have an important date.

9. I never forget to pet my cat goodbye when I leave home.

10. I always remember to bring home a present.  (This can be as small and inexpensive as a dried leaf or a pinecone.  The important part is to make an Academy Award-style fuss during the presentation.)

11. I would never give my cat an aspirin.  (Cats cannot metabolize drugs as we can.  Aspirin makes them very ill.  And just one Tylenol can kill them.)

12. I never smoke in the vicinity of my cat's sensitive nostrils and lungs.

13. I never make loud, startling noises when my cat is trying to rest.

14. I always keep the dryer door closed and check for sleeping cats before switching it on.

15. I have provided for my cat in case of my death.  (Find out more online at Helping Animals.com .)

16. There is a sticker on my front door that reads, "IN CASE OF FIRE OR OTHER EMERGENCY, PLEASE RESCUE MY ___ CATS."  (Order a "Please Rescue!" sticker from PETACatalog.org .)

17. My cat is always correctly attired in detachable break-away neckware with a current address and phone number tastefully emblazoned on it.

18. I would never be so sadistic as to declaw my cat.  (If your cat came to you declawed, you can still score a point if you were horrified.  Score two points if you have tracked down and tried to educate the perpetrator.)

19. I never board my cat when I go on vacation.

20. I never allow the vet to keep my cat overnight--the only exception is if he or she is extremely injured or ill and only if it is an emergency office that is open and attended all night.

21. I would never fly my cat in the cargo hold of a plane.

22. I would never leave my cat in the care of children, strangers, or people whose reliability I had not verified.

23. I never yell or swear at my cat.

24. I never fail to answer if my cat says something to me.

25. I never throw or push my cat off the bed or any furniture.

26. I would never give my cat to someone else (the only exceptions here would be imprisonment, hospitalization, incapacity, and military dispatch in time of war).

27. I give my cat fresh water and scrub out all bowls at least once a day.

HOW DID YOU SCORE?

Any score below 16 demands your immediate remedial training.  Remember all those times that you have resolved to eat less fat and then ordered the fries?  This is not like that.  This is serious business.  You must decide immediately to change your stripes.  If you don't, your cat will never adore you.

If you scored 25 or more, I'll be moving in with you.  If you scored 20 or less, you simply have to shape up.  Whatever it takes, make some extra effort--do it now--and become the very person your cat has been sculpting in his or her sleep.  You will, in fact, be the totally adored man or woman of your cat's dreams.

Posted by Barry D. Friedman in May 2008, in loving memory of Moody Blue ♥  . . .